Texts
by Technical Technicalities
Summary: A wonderful compilation of texts between Stan and Kyle.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Wow, when was the last time I wrote some sort of Stan and Kyle friendship story? Anyway, this is just a compilation of Stan and Kyle's texts, along with some plot do I don't get in trouble. Ha.

Stan's texts are _italicized_

Kyle's texts are **bolded**

* * *

_dude_

**What?**

_where were u today_

**Sick. As fucking usual.**

_u ditched me at school u lazy fucker_

**I wasn't even there dude.**

_yeah but u not being there forced me to hang out w/ cartman and kenny all day. kennys cool i guess but cartmans such a dick omg_

**How is that news? Cartman's always a dick.**

_my point is dont get sick, ur buddy is suffering_

**Stan I was gone for one day. You'll live.**

_yah but that day lasted 4ever. oh and btw, u got hw. ill bring it 2 u._

**Oh great, homework's just what I needed.**

_ugh ikr. i havent done it yet. can i come over and do it w/ u_

**That could mean one of two things.**

_see now this kinda shit is why cartman teases us on being gay lovers_

**Relax Stan, it's a fucking joke.**

_but still dude. and ur wondering why cartmans always like 'hehe, r u and kyle going to buttfuck now'_

**Will you stop talking about me and you buttfucking?**

_just saying._

**Maybe Cartman ships us together.**

_dude stfu. im outside ur room._

At that, a sharp knock came from outside, and Kyle groaned. He was about to say come in, but Stan barged in anyway, throwing a bunch of books on Kyle's bed. He ambled over to Kyle and sat down on his bed.

"What's up?" He asked. Kyle rolled his eyes, and blew his nose on a convenient tissue next to him.

"Oh you know, being sick, having my best friend insult me via iPhone, etc." Kyle stated, a bit indignantly. Stan rolled his eyes and shoved Kyle over.

"What the hell was that anyway? You texting 'that could mean one of two things,' what the hell?" Stan laid out textbooks on Kyle's legs.

"I thought it was funny."

"That's like, Kenny-type humor dude," he said. Kyle rolled his eyes, and leaned over Stan's lap to grab another tissue.

"Well then don't bring it up. Now, what did I miss?" Kyle asked, changing the subject.

"Uh...fractions, George Washington, Beyonce performing in the cafeteria—"

"Stan. I meant school. Not your Beyonce in the cafeteria bullcrap." Kyle interrupted.

"Then, excluding the Beyonce part, you missed fractions and George Washington. You also missed Bebe making out with Clyde for some dare thing. I think they're a couple now. Craig was kind of pissed off about that." Stan recapped the day's events.

"Why, does Craig like Clyde or something?"

"I don't know, I never pay attention to those guys, so I legitimately don't know." Stan replied. The two boys fell silent for a minute as Kyle grabbed the math textbook that was carefully placed on his upper thigh, and opened it to fractions.

"Just what the hell is this bullshit?" Kyle asked, breaking the temporary silence. Stan leaned his face in, so his cheek was touching Kyle's.

"You see the half thing? You can add that or subtract it from this fraction, and then you can—"

"Dude eat a fucking tic-tac." Kyle interrupted. The other boy narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up and pay attention. If you add that, you have to make sure to carry the one, and—" Stan was interrupted yet again.

"Move your sleeve out of my face," he said. Stan was pointing to a number in the textbook he was holding up, and rolled his eyes. He rolled his sleeve up, and moved his arm slightly over.

"—and then eventually, you should get your product as either a whole number or a decimal." Stan finished. Kyle sniffled, and grabbed the textbook out of Stan's hands, along with retrieving his homework from his legs.

"I think I've got it?" Kyle asked. He usually would've gotten the material, but he was sick. That was totally a valid excuse. Stan rolled his eyes and continued working. Kyle did too, but he managed to finish early. Even when sick, he was apparently still able to finish before Stan, who had a look of confusion on his face.

Stan sighed, and got up. "Sorry dude, but I've got to go to some lame thing at home. I'll text you though." He said. Kyle nodded in response, and snatched his phone off his dresser.

* * *

_ugh this party is boring as fuck_

**Lol, sorry to hear that.**

_u little shit, ur supposed to comfort me_

**What the hell do you want me to say? "Oh prince Stan, I'll come swooping in on my gallant white horse to save thee soon."**

_the fuck was that_

**Uh...nothing in particular.**

_thee? that's some shakespearian shit right there_

**Because I am totally Shakespeare.**

_wtf. anyway stupid butters is here. he keeps saying shit like 'hey stan we should hang out' and 'stan u wanna come to my place sometime' like no butters, i don't want to go to your goddamn house_

**Is he trying to ask you out? C;**

_ur so gay sometimes omg_

**I'm not the one who's saying 'omg'.**

_shut the hell up. im going to ask butters if he's trying to creepily ask me out or sumthing._

**If he was, would you say yes?**

_...none of your damn business_

**Stutters.**

_wat_

**StanxButters. Stutters.**

_u need to stfu up already. im gonna ask him now brb_

_yo im back, i asked him_

**And?**

_he stammered a lot_

**Did he say yes, dumbass?**

_yeah_

**NHSNAHANXXSNIJNIHSAN**

_wat_

**You're the first gay couple at our school haha!**

_no we're not_

**What do you mean?**

_u and cartman have a thing going on_

**...I'm going to kick your ass the next time I see you**

_no ur not because u love me_

**No I don't.**

_i love u_

**...Fuck you.**

_I love you._

**WHOA. Did you actually use proper grammar?**

_I love you._

**...I love you too.**

_lol ur so gay_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Another chapter, because why not?

* * *

**So?**

_so_

**What's up?**

_nothing_

**Did you go on a date with your boyfriend yet? :3**

_nope_

**Why not?**

_because i know in my heart that u'll tease me to no end when i do go out with him_

**How did you read my mind?**

_duh im your best friend_

**Well yeah but...**

_how much have u been hanging around kenny lately_

**He's at my house now, in the kitchen. Why?**

_he's having way too much influence on u_

**What's that supposed to mean?**

_idk, it could be ur abundance of dirty jokes lately, but u know, y would any1 think dat_

**Don't ever say dat.**

_y? u mad bro_

**I already have to put up with your illegible text speak so...**

_excuse u i have the authority in this relationship_

**What?**

_wat_

**How gay are you today?**

_maybe i've been hanging around u too much. ;p_

**Oh you're so proud of yourself aren't you, you little shit.**

_now just hold on there sir, ur acting like a chick on her period_

**I hate you.**

_i love u too_

**Do you always have to say that?**

_say dat?_

**GODFUCKINGDAMNIT**

_u still mad brah? wat u gonna do bro_

**Kiss your ass.**

_no thats for butters to do_

**WHAT THE FUCK. *kick**

_are u sure_

**Wait did you just say "no thats for butters to do"?**

_maybe_

_u dont know my life_

**I don't think you quite understand how much hatred I'm holding for you right now.**

_shhh let the butthurt flow through u. hey is kenny still at ur house?_

**Yeah. Why?**

_how long has he been in ur kitchen_

**Um...shit...maybe over an hour?**

_wtf is he making a feast or something_

**Hold on, I'm going to go check up on him.**

* * *

Kenny enthusiastically shoved a glazed turkey in the oven, ready to eat like there was no tomorrow. He already had platters of fruit, spaghetti, cheese, and even a bag of cheetos out, accompanied by bottles of water.

"Just what the fuck are you doing?" Kyle asked, hands on his hips. Kenny stopped short.

"Um...best friends for life!" He responded, throwing his arms around Kyle. The redhead rolled his eyes, and shoved the other boy off of him.

"I swear to fucking god Kenny, if I come back down in half an hour and all the food in the refrigerator is gone, I will murder your entire goddamn family." Kyle threatened and walked into the living room. Kenny took half the food off the counter and quietly put it back in the refrigerator.

* * *

**He was fucking cleaning out my kitchen.**

_lol what did u do expect_

**God I hate him so much.**

_just like u hate me_

**Yeah.**

_u don't hate me_

**It depends.**

_did u call cartman yet_

**For?**

_for ur guys' date_

**Fuck you.**

_u wish_

**What?**

_wat_

**Stan stop being a gay prick.**

_well excuse u_

**Maybe you're the one who picked up on Kenny's humor.**

* * *

"Are you texting about me?" A voice asked from behind Kyle, nearly succeeding in giving him a heart attack and falling off the couch.

"Where the fuck did you come from Kenny?!" Kyle shrieked. Kenny laughed in response.

"I ate and ambled over to see what my friend was doing. What else would I do? But I saw my name on your phone. What the fuck?"

"...Um, we were talking about Kenny...Teddy. Ever heard of Kenny Teddy?"

"Don't even lie, I know you were talking about me."

A second later, Kyle escorted Kenny out the door and shut the door, closing the curtains. "SEE YOU TOMORROW!" He yelled out of an open window. Kenny responded by flipping him off and walking home.

* * *

**Sorry, had to kick Kenny out.**

_y?_

**I don't know, just wanted to.**

_ur a real dickass_

**Is that even an insult? Did you mean jackass?**

_nope. u can combine two swear words together for twice the fun._

**Fuckdick**

_shitblowjob_

**Crapfuck.**

_bastarddouche_

**Why are we this easily entertained?**

**Stan?**

**Oh goddamnit.**

**Stan?**

**I love you.**

**Get back on your phone.**

**You motherfucker.**


End file.
